Ache
by The Human Kalei-doscope
Summary: Vincent has a pain in his chest, and Cids the cause. Just why is that? One sided Cid/Vin, Vincent angst and such. R&R.


**Title: Ache**

**Author/Artist: Emo_Hazard/Jeklyn~Hyde**

**Pairing/Character/etc: Vincent, Cid/Vincent (one sided)**

**Fandom: Final Fantasy VII **

**Rating: PG**

**Summary: Vincent knows he loves Cid. But Cid is blind to it all.**

**Warning(s): Tissue inducing wangst. lol**

**Note(s): This one's kinda personal, guys.**

**Disclaimer: Final Fantasy VII © Square Enix aka Squeenix. ;p I own nothing. Savy?**

I knew something was wrong with me the day my chest started to hurt. I thought I was beyond pain at this point. Being dead kind of precludes pain. But it was there, this dull ache in my chest that never seemed to let up.

I tried things like aspirin, Maalox, even milk. But it didn't work and just made my stomach churn from years of unused. None of the others were really much help. Tifa worried her head off for me, Yuffie joked about how a dead guy could feel anything, and Barret was his usual sarcastic self.

Cloud was silent on the matter. He didn't know what it was, so he had no input on the matter. He and I are too much alike. To absorbed in our own sins.

Then Cid told me to try some milk. Though I knew it wasn't going to help, I did as suggested. And it just made it worse. I gave up trying to fix it. It isn't like I wasn't used to living in pain.

Life carried on board the Highwind on our planet wide search for Sephiroth. I took to wandering, when I became to restless to stay in my hiding place. The Captain graciously offered me a room along with the others of the group. But I hadn't slept in an actual bed for so long that it was just to strange. Too much open space. It unsettled me.

I found a nice, small space up in the rafters of Engineering deck. Just big enough to curl into for a few hours of sleep before going on a mission or wandering about. I became well acquainted with the Highwind and her crew.

I observed them, studied them. Through silent vigil and learned everything about everyone. Cloud hated the color pink, Barret wanted to re-grow his hair, Nanaki enjoyed the occasional belly rub, Caith Sith was obsessed with anything round and bouncy, Aerith's favorite flower was the Nibelheim Carnation, Tifa loved to cook breakfast foods and Yuffie was terrified of insects.

Captain Highwind I watched the closest of all. Out of all our ragtag crew of oddities, Cid seemed the most normal. But I know that looks can be deceiving. I watched him at the wheel, observing they way he gripped it. Not to tightly, not to slack. Just enough to know it was there and it was steady.

When he would go about fixing the odd glitch and malfunction, he would always have the right tool for the job. This ship was like his child. He knew what it needed and knew just when to give it.

Cid smoked three packs a day. Four if it was a particularly bad day. ShinRa Kings, Junon Blend. His favorite. His favorite tea was Amber Jasmine. He drank it with every meal except dinner. That's when he had whisky.

Sometimes Cid would notice me just casually glancing his way, then he'd make a joke about buying him a drink before taking him back to his room.

That made the ache worse.

Sometimes, when I would be in engineering while Cid was doing maintenance, he would forget where he had placed his tool box, or his cigarettes. Taking pity on him, I would slip out of my hovel and pick up the missing object and give it to Cid.

"Crazy observant little bastard, ain't ye Spooky? Thanks a lot." he would tell me before going to work.

Spooky. I suppose I am. It should have meant nothing to me, but to hear it from Cid, it felt… nice.

Felt. Cid could make me feel again. That was nice to know.

I made myself more available to Cids needs. When he misplaced something, I would find it for him. When he needed an errand done, I would go. When he was alone on the flight deck on night shift, I would bring him some tea and toast.

Cid appreciated my assistance. Sought it out even. When he needed certain things done, like to reach a joint or nook that his large hands couldn't fit into to get. He would insist that the tea always be made by me. He said that I made it in a way that just brought out the flavor. I don't know about that. I just boil and pour. Nothing special.

When we landed at the Ghost Square in the Golden Saucer, we had a meeting about what our next move was to be. I had no input on the matter. Cid was too tired to give one, either.

"Let's go to our rooms, Cid." I suggested.

I saw the surprised little looks in my team mates eyes. I didn't care, really.

I had managed to ignore the aching for a time now. This gesture made it return all the stronger.

I had come to the conclusion that Cid was the cause of my pain. But how? He had done nothing to me, said nothing intentionally hurtful and tolerated my presence better than the rest of the team.

Perhaps I've been so altered that I am just in pain constantly. But… this is different. I don't know what's wrong with me. Maybe everything is wrong with me.

Cids presence near me works both ways. I've even come to welcome the times he takes to just talk to me when its only us in engineering or the flight deck.

Though its mostly him talking at me and I listen. I'm not one to judge or give advice out. Gaia knows where my feelings on things had gotten me.

When we would part ways, the ache would come back. Sometimes it was near crippling. My hand would go to my chest, trying to quell the pain.

It was during one of our later conversations that I began to understand myself and this pain.

"Cid, I wish I had your 'Go get them' attitude."

It was supposed to be a compliment. But something about it made the ache hurt worse than it had before. Cid just took it with his usual demeanor. He wasn't hurtful, but grateful.

I'm not sure it was the reaction I wanted.

That night, I dreamed. An actual dream. Not a jumble of memories and voices that had haunted me for over thirty years. And it was all to do with Cid.

Just… Cid. His voice, his eyes, even his scent. Cigarette smoke, engine grease, and tea. All masculine and comforting. I was swept up in the feeling, content and happy after so long…

I thought I was having a heart attack when I awoke. It hurt. Dear Gaia, it hurt so much. I could feel tears in my eyes, tears unshed that were pushed out by the powerful feelings forcing them to the surface.

I loved Cid. Loved him so much that it hurt to be without him. Hurt because I knew, had always known that he would never want me the same way. My mind was just slow on the update.

I stayed up wrestling with what to do next. Well, why do anything at all? Things had worked out to everyone's liking thus far. And since the situation was hopeless from the start, why bother doing anything to change it?

So I stayed by Cids side, being there when he needed me. All through the search and the battles, to when Yuffie and I returned to Midgar to help with the evacuation; Cid was never far from my thoughts.

But after it was all over, I had to do something about this. So I left. Left in my normal manner. Without a word or a fuss. I don't think Cid even really noticed.

Then the final nail in my emotional coffin. Cid had married Shera. The woman he had given up his dream for. I didn't complain. I never said anything. He wouldn't wait for me. And I knew that under all his brutish attitude towards her, Cid cared for Shera deeply.

He was happy. Cids happiness is all that matters to me. Even if I feel that small part of my humanity dies little by little.

He doesn't know I still look in on him on occasion. I'll roam Rocket Town in the dead of night, when no one notices a shadow pass over them as they sleep. I'll sit in the chair on the other side of their room, watching Cid sleep with Shera curled up next to him.

I go over to the bed with the grace of a ghost. My kiss is equally cold and longing. But he is happy. I beg of Shera to take care of him, t be good to him like he deserves.

Tonight is my last visit. I can feel the planet stirring under my feet. Something will happen soon. I must be ready.

Goodbye, Chief.


End file.
